Bride on a Budget - Part III - Thoughts on Dreams, Money and Planning

On Dreams

It’s a well-known belief that all girls dream about their big wedding day. We all have that fairy tale image in our heads (thanks to the movies, I’m sure!) of what it should be like, the big princess dress, and your knight in shining armor waiting to whisk you away on his white horse. Ok, that may be a little extreme, but you get the idea I’m sure. While all of this would be ideal (and maybe there ARE women out there with unlimited funds that can pull off every childhood dream-wedding detail, and let me just say if that happens to be you reading this right now, you go girl, more power to ya!) it does all come down to the mighty dollar, which will control exactly how much of that dream you get to turn into reality.

If you ask me, the wedding that you dream about as a young girl changes as you grow older. I think my wedding would have been a lot different had I gotten married in my 20’s. I know back then I would have wanted all of my closest girlfriends to stand up, which would have been a lot more to deal with. I would have done the big dress, the bridesmaids gowns. Probably a trolley or bus to haul us all around in. But things change, priorities change, relationships change as you grow older and wiser.You’re more able to focus on what you truly want and need to make your day special, rather than what you once thought you needed. I believe the wedding that I had at the age of 39 was the perfect wedding for the “me” that I am today.

On Money

Let me take a moment here to speak to the young woman whose parents are paying for the wedding: #1 - You are very lucky if this is your situation! My advice to you – I would still spend it wisely, as if it were my own. Be grateful for the help! Also know that when it’s someone else’s money, they may expect to have a say in what you do (and I guess I can’t blame them, it IS after all, THEIR money) so, there are pros and cons to being in this position. You may not be able to call all the shots.

For women in their 30’s and up, or if you’ve moved out on your own, into your own place, or if you’re living with your fiancé, it would be wrong to expect or assume that your parents will pay for your wedding, unless they have already told you that they will. I tend to think once you’re out from under their roof, all bets are off about the traditional “who pays for what” stuff. So if you haven't been stashing away money for your big day, it may be time to get creative!

On Planning

I probably would have done things differently had money not been an issue. I kept joking that I’d do this or that should a wealthy benefactor walk into my life. That never occurred, so obviously I had to find a way to cut corners. I did whatever I could on my own, (with the assistance of my helpful and creative girlfriends), figured out what I didn’t really need, and for the professional services, I found affordable businesses to work with.

I also planned the majority of my wedding online, sometimes to my mother’s dismay. For me it wasn’t weird to do this – the internet is my go-to place to find everything else, so why not use it to plan my wedding? My mom was nervous that I hired the DJs sight unseen. I also hired the photographer the same way. Both the DJ and the photographer had great websites with prices and useful information (videos, photo galleries, etc) that I felt pretty sure I was making the right choice. I suppose this could have gone badly for me, so maybe I just got lucky, I don’t know! I bought my dress and veil online. I found tutorials on how to make silk floral bouquets, etc. on Youtube.com. I found websites that had wedding verses and readings. I could not have planned this wedding without the use of the world wide web! I do not like it when businesses won’t post their prices on their websites. If they don’t want to show a price, it gives the impression, at least to me anyway, that it’s going to be expensive. But it doesn’t hurt to ask. And actually my DJ may not have listed a package price – but their motto was “Twice the show, not twice the dough” so I figured they were going to be reasonable – and they were.

You may need to think long and hard about the wedding you want to have, what it means to you, what you can live with and what you can live without. As I made decisions I tried to keep in mind how I would feel afterward, looking back on the day. Would I regret that I didn't have a limo? Would I regret or say I wish I had bought that one wedding dress instead? If you ask yourself the "will I regret this?" question as you make your decisions, and can answer no to them then you're on the right path to planning a wedding that will be suitable to your budget and your style, and you'll be happy with your choices.

I went for informal, but intimate, and included all the standards - dinner, dancing, etc. that you expect for a wedding. I just went about it in a somewhat non-traditional way, and was so pleased with the outcome. I found out afterward that one of my husband's aunts, (who is quite crafty and picky) commented on the nice job I did putting everything together, and that it was elegant, etc. and she was quite impressed. I thought that was the ultimate compliment!

Next time we'll talk about cutting corners and how to find ways to save money doing things yourself.